The "The Lakes"

So, you've been skating around the Chain of Lakes on the Minneapolis Grand Rounds Scenic Byway for a few weeks now. You're new to both inline skating and to "the lakes" (as the locals refer to them), and you have a few initial observations.

The lakes are a real draw in the Twin Cities. On a sunny day, the lakes are crawling with douchebags. You've blogged previously about how your neighborhood (located smack dab between I-35W and the lakes) becomes a traffic nightmare, because every SUV, Beemer, or Audi-driving douchebag and their dog is on their way to and from the lakes. But it's not just the suburban douchebags who come out...it's a magnet for freaks as well. It's a real good mix of people who should just stay away from each other.

There are two trails: one for wheels, and another for those without wheels. The trail for wheels is a one-way trail with a 10-mile-per-hour speed limit. However, douchebags frequently "bend the rules" so to speak. For some reason, runners love to run on the wheel trail. I don't know why, maybe you'll ask one of them sometime. You think it may have to do with the fact that the wheel trail is on the outside, so it's longer. Occasionally, even walkers end up on the wheel trail, which makes no sense at all except that they are complete undeniable douchebags with no sense whatsoever.

Then there are the douchebags on wheels. There are douchebags who go the wrong direction on the wheel trail. The direction you should go is clearly marked with big white arrows painted right on the trail. Sweetie likes to yell at these douchebags, which will probably get you beat up one of these days.

One day, Sweetie and you came upon two suburban douchebags pushing a baby carriage on the wheel trail...wait for it...IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. Uhg. Sweetie gave them what for. She pointed out that they were putting their baby in danger, which was completely true, because it was like your second time on inline skates, and you had very little control, so the baby could have been toast.

Your favorite trail is Lake Harriet. The trail is very wooded, so it's not only very scenic, but the wind is blocked and has very little effect on your skating. Lake Calhoun is a fun skate, but the wind really whips across that lake, and on a gusty day will make skating a real chore. Plus, Calhoun is the most popular of all the lakes, so on a sunny day, it's basically douchebag central. Lake of the Isles is the smoothest of lake trails, and is practically deserted...even on nice days. The very expensive real estate around this lake is the only scenery, though. So, unless you're into architecture, or you're one of those self-loathing douchebags who wishes they were rich enough to own more house than they actually need, then this trail may not be for you.