The Internal Job Application

Oh, you really hate working for a big fascist corporation.

Here's the thing: a few days ago, you applied for a different position internally at Castcom. It's a low-level administrative position that involves marketing research and creating promotion materials using desktop publishing and presentation software, and "additional duties as assigned." You are perfect for the position, and the position is in Minnetonka instead of St. Paul, so the daily commute would be so much better. Plus, the hours are the same as Sweetie's hours, so you could actually see her for more than a few hours a week.

You have every qualification the position requires. In fact, you are probably overqualified, but then you're waaaaaaay overqualified for your current position in technical support.

So, what's the problem?

Well, like every giant fascist corporation, Castcom has many policies regarding applying for a different position within the company. One of these policies is that your current supervisor must approve of the transfer to the new position, and this has to be done BEFORE they'll accept your application.

So, today, you tactfully approached your supervisor--let's call him David Douchebag--with your completed internal transfer form, and he hemmed and hawed for awhile. Then he asked why you thought you were qualified for the position. You explained your qualifications to him, and then explained why you thought you'd be a good fit for the new position and why you would enjoy the position. Then David Douchebag hemmed and hawed some more before asking you for a copy of the job description, which you immediately handed him along with a copy of your resume, because you just had a feeling he'd ask for it.

Then...get this...David Douchebag says, "I need to do more research on this. I'll get back to you about it." So, you politely point out to David Douchebag that the window for applying for this position ends tomorrow (open positions are only open to internal apps for 7 days, and you found out about the position 3 days ago, and David Douchebag has been out of the office until today). David Douchebag says, "Yeah, I'll get back to you tomorrow."

Now, understand that you start work at 2 PM, and you still need approval from the HR department (another policy) before your internal application can officially be accepted, and HR closes it's office door at five sharp every day (actually, they close the door at five 'til five, because they are buddyfuckers). So, you now only have a three-hour window to get all this taken care of. However, David Douchebag certainly isn't going to give you time off the tech-support phone to get HR's approval, so you'll have to do it during your break at 4:00, which actually leaves only a 15-minute window to get the transfer approved. But you'll have to take a piss as well, so that leaves a ten-minute window.

What a crock of shit.

What would David Douchebag need to research other than a reason to not approve your transfer? Because, at the moment, he hasn't got one. It's a pretty cut and dried thing. Just sign the goddamn form.

The real purpose behind the "transfer approval by the current supervisor" policy is not literally about "approval." If it were, no one at a corporation would actually get to transfer except incompetent employees that supervisors WANT to get rid of. The "approval of transfer" is meant to be a way of keeping your current supervisor apprised of your plan to transfer, and his signature on this form proves that you kept him up to date with your internal job search.

However, like a typical corporate middle manager, David Douchebag loves to let his surfs know that he is in control, and now he's going to let your internal transfer form set on his desk until he's good and ready to give it back to you. Just signing the damn form and letting you get on with the rest of your corporate-red-tape-life would have just been too fucking easy for the both of you.

Why all the flack? Seriously, why?

All you're asking for is a chance to interview for the position. If you're not qualified (and YOU ARE qualified), or if someone else is better qualified, shouldn't that be the HIRING supervisor's say, and not the say of someone biased who has a reason NOT to let you apply for a different position?

With all this red tape, it's actually easier for you to search for a position OUTSIDE of Castcom, which is exactly what's going to happen if David Douchebag doesn't approve your transfer.

Also, if he doesn't approve your transfer, he better have conjured up a very, very good bullshit reason not to. Otherwise shit is going to hit the fan at work. You're not afraid to call bullshit on this douchebag and take the issue to HIS supervisor. As if that will do any good [eyes rolling], but you will do it, and you will be noisy about the whole business of questioning David Douchebag's competence in front of your peers.