Monday, December 7, 2009
These People Are Not Business Owners. They Are Actors. Also, Comcast Sucks.
You worked for Comcast, and you can attest to the fact that Comcast Business Class is the biggest scam Comcast offers. It's the same crappy service they offer residential customers, but with a different name and a HIGHER price. If a business owner wants reliable phone service for their office, they should go through the local phone company. But that's getting off topic.
Here's an imdb.com profile of one of the "business owners" in the commercial below. The IMDB profile is complete with headshots and a contact link for the actor's agent: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1152701/
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Pop Tarts are not healthy breakfast food, so don't feed your kids Pop Tarts. Make them a healthy breakfast, lazy-ass parents.
The only way a company like Kellogg's can attempt to pull this off is through cutesy-ass, romanticized animation that has cutesy-ass "bah-bah bah-bah-bah" music as the soundtrack.
Any parent who sends their kid off to school with a gut full of sugar and lard baked in a toaster should be arrested for neglect.
Friday, August 7, 2009
This George Sodini Mess (Your Attempt to Help)
You start these blogs with a disclaimer, and you will do it again for this one:
You don't know everything about women. Hardly. But it has become obvious through simple observation that you know a lot more than the typical, clumsy straight-male douchebag wandering around on the street, or in the club, or etc. Most of what you know has been learned the hard way. Trial and error. But at least you learned. You've been in many, many relationships with women of varying lengths of time and you've tried to benefit from past mistakes.
Now, considering recent events, here's some things that need to be said up front:
1. Women will not like you if you shoot them. Even if they survive.
2. Despite what you may have heard (or gleaned from movies), most women do not find gun-toting douchebags attractive. And, should you find a woman who is hot for a gun-toting douchebag, you probably won't be attracted to her, because she is a crazy freak (and not in a good way). Besides, she will dump you for any guy who comes along with bigger and/or more guns that threatens to kill her even more violently than you ever could.
3. Douchebag George Sodini stated in one of his blogs something to the effect of "Life is all games..." No. Life is not all games. Life is life. You are either living your life, or you are wishing you were living your life. If you think life is a game, then you ain't livin', douchebag.
Now, let's get to the point. How do you attract women:
1. Get a life. Yes, that's right, get a fucking life, dummy. Guess what, if you spend all your time trying to meet women, and thinking up ways to get women, you will NOT get any women. Why? Because you will have the stench of desperation all over you, and women will smell you coming a mile away. "Check it out. Desperate fucking douchebag coming our way at 12 o'clock. Let's put on our bitch faces, ladies."
2. Women are different than you. I know that sounds simple, and you already know this, but you need to actually KNOW it, and ACCEPT it.
(whoops. Time for work. You'll finish this later.)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Bumpit up to fucking big-headed-alien-retard look
"Feel confident and beautiful..."
When did looking like you have a giant alien head become a good idea?
When did it become fashion? Well, you realize in the 60's, but why now?
You wonder, when will people just accept the fact that they look like humans, and stop trying to look like pre-humans (cavemen? missing link?) and/or post-humans (aliens? robots?), and just decide to look like humans?
They should call this doucheit!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Over time, advertising has morphed into a sad form of desperate propaganda. Here's an example of the idiocy I'm referring to:
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Economic Downturn, We Hardly Knew Ye.
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo, you cunt. Now you know what it's like, don't you? Sucks doesn't it? It hurts knowing that someone has your resume in middle of a big thick pile of other resumes right next to the shredder. Now you know what it's like to sit in a room and discuss your life with an HR robot just like yourself: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Monday, May 4, 2009
Stubborn Must Run In the Family
Then again, you weren't there for the whole "let's have your long-lost brother over for dinner" conversation. Maybe he really could give a shit less, just like you could give a shit less, and the whole plan to get us together in one room is more her idea.
Who's to say?
You could ask Ann to clarify things, but you won't.
Anyway, today Ann posted pictures online of a party celebrating your bio-dad's retirement from the Iowa Air National Guard. He was a freakin' Master Sergeant, so he was obviously involved in this thing for quite some time. You had no idea. This is all brand new information for yours truly.
Should you learn a few more interesting facts about this bio-father-person, you may be able to shake his hand one day in a moment that might pass as simply awkward, instead of what could possibly be a tad bit hostile.
Who's to say, really?
Not that you have anything against the guy. You don't even know his side of the story (or his side of any story, for that matter). Perhaps there's a very good explanation for having absolutely nothing at all to do with your son for over 30 years-plus-and-counting.
Your mother once attempted a shaky, kinda-sorta, patched-together pre-birth history/explanation for your benefit. Her story had a few holes, but you didn't/don't hold that against her. In fact, you've let the whole thing drop for the most part...until recently.
Actually, you have never been the one to pick up the subject. Your mother suddenly felt the need to explain things after she discovered that the sister you didn't know you had was attempting to contact you. Whoops.
So, now, here we are.
You'll be 38 at the end of this month. Sigh. You've never met this guy, so why should you meet him now? Are you supposed to invite him up for a baseball game or something? Go Twins? He's probably a Royals fan.
How are these overdue disfunctional entanglements supposed to get worked out? And, more importantly, is working it out more of a pain in the ass than it's worth?
Here's another question you've learned to ask yourself in certain situations: What good can come of it?
When you look at those digipics of this old, bald guy in spectacles and camouflage fatigues...he's holding a plaque in one, and eating cake in another...you just don't recognize yourself in him. He just seems way too dim.
Fact: Your bio-dad was in Vietnam when you were born. That fact was the cornerstone of your mother's rushed attempt to explain things. Killing commies was kind of a big deal around the time you were born. It's an excuse for many things.
Another fact: Your bio-dad is divorced. His marriage fell apart when Ann was in high school. Her mother moving out of the house was the subject of one of our first conversations. Good times.
Granted, there's not much to work with, but the facts at hand suggest that your biological father has a hard time keeping his relationships intact long-term.
So, you'll ask again: Is it more of a pain in the ass than it's worth? What good can come of it?